RELATIONSHIP KILLERS (Part 1)

Relationships could be friendships, marriage, etc. Whichever one it
is, can be assassinated by some vices which one could term little but
these little make disastrous impact which gives rise to adverse effect
on the long run. I choose to call them "Relationship Killers" because
they squeeze or choke life out of relationships. Sometimes, they kill
at a stroke, other times, they Kill in bits. Whichever method they
use, their prime goal is to squeeze out life. These killers can't kill
without a setup, method or mechanism. The first mechanism is:

Harsh startup - The most obvious indicator that a discussion or
marriage is not going to go well is the way it begins. Here's a story
to illustrate this ; Dara immediately becomes negative and accusatory
when Oliver broaches the subject of housework, she's ready to be
sarcastic. "Or lack thereof," she says. Oliver tries to lighten
things up by cracking a joke: "Or the book we were talking about
writing: Men are pigs." Dara sits pokerfaced. They talk a bit more,
trying to devise a plan to make sure Oliver does his share, and then
Dara says, "I mean, I'd like to see it resolved, but it doesn't seem
like it is. I mean, I've tried making up lists, and that doesn't work.
And I've tried letting you do it on your own, and nothing got done for
a month." Now she's blaming Oliver. In essence, she's saying the
problem isn't the housekeeping, it's him. When a discussion leads off
this way--with criticism and or sarcasm, a form of contempt--it has
begun with a "harsh startup." Although Dara talks to Oliver in a very
soft, quiet voice, there's a load of negative power in her words.
After hearing the first minute or so of their conversation, it's no
surprise to me that by the end Dara and Oliver haven't resolved their
differences at all. This shows that if your discussion begins with a
harsh startup, it will inevitably end on a negative note, even if
there are a lot of attempts to "make nice" in between. Statistics tell
the story: 96 percent of the time you can predict the outcome of a
conversation based on the first three minutes of the fifteen-minute
interaction! A harsh startup simply dooms you to failure. So if you
begin a discussion that way, you might as well pull the plug, take a
breather, and start over. Now, as their discussion unfolds, I continue
to look out for particular types of negative interactions. Certain
kinds of negativity, if allowed to run rampant, are so lethal to a
relationship that I call them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Usually these four horsemen clip-clop into the heart of a marriage in
the following order: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and
stonewalling.

Horseman 1: Criticism. You will always have some complaints about the
person you live with. But there's a world of difference between a
complaint and a criticism. A complaint only addresses the specific
action at which your spouse failed. A criticism is more global—it adds
on some negative words about your mate's character or personality.
"I'm really angry that you didn't sweep the kitchen floor last night.
We agreed that we'd take turns doing it" is a complaint.

"Why are you so forgetful? I hate having to always sweep the kitchen
floor when it's your turn. You just don't care" is a criticism. A
complaint focuses on a specific behavior, but a criticism ups the ante
by throwing in blame and general character assassination. Here's a
recipe: To turn any complaint into a criticism, just add my favorite
line: "What is wrong with you?" Usually a harsh startup comes in the
guise of criticism. You can see how quickly complaint turns into
criticism when Dara begins to talk. Listen again to what she says:
Dara: I mean, I'd like to see it resolved, but it doesn't seem like it
is. (Simple complaint) I mean, I've tried making up lists and that
doesn't work. And I've tried letting you do it on your own, and
nothing got done for a month. (Criticism. She's implying the problem
is his fault. Even if it is, blaming him will only make it worse.)
Here are some other examples that show the difference between
complaint and criticism. Complaint. There's no gas in the car. Why
didn't you fill it up like you said you would? Criticism. Why can't
you ever remember anything? I told you a thousand times to fill up the
tank, and you didn't. Complaint. You should have told me earlier that
you're too tired to make love. I'm really disappointed, and I feel
embarrassed. Criticism. Why are you always so selfish? It was really
nasty of you to lead me on. You should have told me earlier that you
were too tired to make love. Complaint. You were supposed to check
with me before inviting anyone over for dinner. I wanted to spend time
alone with you tonight. Criticism. Why do you keep putting your
friends ahead of me? I always come last on your list. We were supposed
to have dinner alone tonight.
If you hear echoes of yourself or your spouse in these criticisms, you
have plenty of company. The first horseman is very common in
relationships. So if you find that you and your spouse are critical of
each other, don't assume you're headed for divorce court. The problem
with criticism is that when it becomes pervasive, it paves the way for
the other, far deadlier horsemen.

Comments

SAGGING BREAST…Causes, prevention and why both men and women hate it.

We have been running a series on feminine health to make women understand more about their body system and how stuffs work. Breast sagging is an experience faced by most ladies. Some no longer have confidence in their body because their breast could not win the fight against gravity. Sagging breasts can seriously weaken women’s self-esteem making them feel less attractive to the opposite sex. Breasts have no muscles, but consist of fat, connective tissues and mammary glands, so they require constant care in order to stay well-shaped. Breasts usually start sagging after 40, but in many cases it starts even earlier. Sagging breasts are not only caused by age and pregnancy. Factors such as these put the esteem of most women to jeopardy. If you're a woman who grew up playing with Barbie dolls, you may have spotted a difference between the fashion doll's pert chest and the lower-hanging breasts of mothers, grandmothers, teachers, and other women you saw around you. The girls…

FACTS ABOUT THE HYMEN AND VIRGINITY

A virgin is a person who has never had any form of sexual intercourse before being it *penovaginal, anal or oral SEX* ....period! Couple of years back, in order to encourage people who have had sex before to abstain, the term *secondary virginity* was introduced. *Hymen*: _is a thin membrane that partly covers the vagina. There are different types of hymen and some can even cover the vagina entirely (imperforated)._ Unfortunately, a lot of people use the presence or absence of the hymen to determine a female's virginity. That can be very deceptive because there are so many ladies out there without their hymen but have never had sex before. Sadly, they are expected to bleed on their first sexual intercourse and if it doesn't happen, then it means they told a lie. This controversy has gone on for decades and still going on. A lot of boyfriends and husbands have all lost trust for their partners due to this issue of virginity. _Is there anything which determines that

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY IN BED (sweeping her off her feet).

Men always think we are complicated, somewhat mysteriously complex in nature. But once you get some helpful pointers like these from a woman, it can start to make a lot more sense and you'll have an easier time finding ways to make us happy. Whether you're trying to please a girlfriend, fiancée or wife , there are things you need to do and strategies you need to adopt to make us happy. You may not be used to them but never forget, no one is born with skilful wits on how to please a woman. Just the same way we consciously and unconsciously learn, that’s the same way one can learn how to make this beautiful, soft, feminine creatures happy in bed. This is not one karma sutra tips on how to bang a woman all night long, but little things most men don’t do that we really desire they could do to make us much happier. Take your time to read through and cultivate the following tips and you will watch your relationship with her blossom 1. Respect her . The most important

Virus...A lesson from the movie "3 idiots".

If you haven't seen the celebrated Bollywood "3 idiots"... I rest my case. For those of us that deemed it necessary to see a movie that could teach one more about friendship and true education than anything else can, I like to invite us to take a closer look at one of the characters of that groundbreaking movie. Not Rancho. Virus. If one were asked to draw up a list of lessons gleaned from the Rancho character, I believe that the list will be endless. The reason is not farfetched: in him is no guile; he is a perfect human being in every sense of that word. What about Virus? Everything was wrong with the man. For driving his own son to suicide, his daughter Pia accused him of murder. For driving his student, Joy Lobo, to suicide, Rancho accused him of murder. In one word, he was the Hitler of Imperial College of Engineering, ICE. While we take Virus for an undesirable element, we shouldn't forget to imbibe the one thing that was great about him: Time management

MALE MORNING ERECTION (What Men and ladies needs to know) PART 1

I am writing about Male morning erection today. Don't be amazed, it's my job to relate the right information to you without any form of misdirection. I got a lot of questions from my beloved readers on one of the topics we discussed earlier "WHY HAVE SORE NIPPLES? Part 1 & 2" .I was delighted as we sorted issues out in my Facebook mailbox. Many young men, and even some older ones who haven’t found the right people to ask, are curious about morning erections. Most people who have a penis have the experience, with some regularity, of waking up in the morning with an erection. What Is A Morning Erection? Morning erections, colloquially referred to as "morning wood" and scientifically defined as nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) are a healthy and predictable physiological response that most men experience. Morning erections would be better described as the tail end of a series of nighttime erections, as they are just the last erection in a series.

SOUL TIES ( Sexual bonds).

SEX is a Spiritual bond (Soul tie) How many men's/women's souls do you have inside of you? Every person you sleep with leaves a part of themselves with you. Some of us think sex is for fun but you don't know that sex out of marriage is the greatest covenant that you can ever think of, Sexually transmitted demons are not something to play with and are harder to get rid of than diseases!!!! Soul ties are more powerful than you think. The right mate for you will PRAY on your soul not PREY on it. Women, God made u to be protected by your husband's and sex makes you feel married, even though you aren't. Sex is a spiritual bond because of the connection made during love making. Do you ever wonder what your soul looks like to GOD? Sex does more to the body than the eyes can see. Be careful who and what you allow your soul to tie to!!! This picture touched me. Think about it.

I AM A MAN!!!... SO WHAT? ( The silent Agony of the male folks)

Ladies always think the society and every force that be works alternatively for most of their misfortune. In a world where both genders expected to complement each other are busy pointing accusing fingers, women especially think they're rare specie more than the male folks and no one have ever taken a single minute to consider what men pass through daily, simply because they don't complain. Men suffer in silence unlike women that makes noise, shout and scream at just a slightest of pain. Its never easy to be a man. Viewing through their lens, I concur to the fact that God foresaw a lot ahead and purposely gave men the power to dominant because they're the best fit for that role. 1.Because I am a man, I always have to make the first move in almost everything because that's what's expected of me at every point in time. Once I fail in taking the first step which I'm unsure of what the outcome will be, I'm tagged a weakling, a coward and a woman simply becaus

YETSHE STAYED..

One question I have always asked myself about girls and women who are domestically abused which is one thing common with them all is "why stay? Sweet heart, why stay? This people, for one or two reasons will stay or even give the relationship a second, third, fourth chance, and infinite no of chances. Because they believe that things can change. The man can change. Truth is that the man in question might not get to change if strict and absolutely right measures are not taken. Tricia A woman in her late 30ies. A mother of three kids. It all started the first day she confront her husband. Honey, "why are you coming back by this time"? This is not how you used to be.. Let's be the way we were before we had kids. I need the man I married not a 'drunkard". The inebriated husband gifted her a slap whose sound woke up their neighbours. But then, she stayed. Reason: because of my kids. No, the kick boxing didnt not stop because she gave him reason to c

Make Effective use of your Time.

Time management behaviors are very much a matter of choice. You choose to be efficient or you choose to be disorganized. You choose to focus and concentrate on your highest-value tasks, or you choose to spend your time on activities that contribute little value to your life. And you are always free to choose. Why spend half of your day chatting online when you can use that same time and run some online courses? The starting point of overcoming your previous programming, and eliminating the mental blocks to time management, is for you to make a clear, unequivocal decision to become absolutely excellent at the way you use your time minute-by-minute and hour-by-hour. You must decide, right here and now, that you are going to become an expert in time management. Your aim should be to manage your time so well that people look up to you and use you as a role model for their own work habits.

MEN GO AFTER WHAT THEY WANT.

Men go after what they want. A woman should not be under any impression that she is the woman a man wants to be with. Your cooking skills, sex moves and Christian like attitude may not guarantee you a space in his heart. Only a man knows what he wants and till he finds it, everything you do will hardly make sense to him. If you have done more than this and feel you deserve more. If you have given everything and he still treats you like a nobody... It's time to move on. You ain't what he wants. It doesn't mean you ain't valuable. It doesn't mean that you have nothing to offer. It doesn't make him an evil man....... It's simply a case of you not being the woman he wants to be with. Out there, on the streets is a man looking for someone like you. He will do anything to be with you. So why waste your time and lose sleep over someone who doesn't see you in his future? Don't waste time in an unproductive relationship. Don't beat

Get-Inspired

Search This Blog