Cheating seems to be so prevalent today that the question isn't who is
cheating but rather – who isn't? Too many treat their most important
relationships casually and their commitments as
optional. Our microwave mentality has infiltrated our most sacred institution:
MARRIAGE. We even have a reality show called Cheaters that is designed
to reveal an indiscretion and exploit
the humiliation on national television. I'm not sure which is more
devastating – discovering your lover's unfaithfulness or discovering
the crushing news at the same time as you watch a TV channel. We live
in a very sad day and age. I have seen first-hand the destruction of
cheating. It devastates relationships and shatters dreams. If you have
entertained the idea of cheating on your spouse or significant other,
let this serve as your official warning. Your handsome boss, cute
office secretary or sultry neighbor down the street comes with a price
tag that you cannot afford. Before you cheat, here are things you
really need to
know. Its still your choice either to refrain from such thought or
stop that illicit relationship if you're already into it.
1. You will become a liar.
It's bad enough to bear the title of "Cheater,"
but if you cheat, you will also wear the hat of "Liar." Cheating
cannot occur without deceit on some level and normally the white lies
in the beginning become full-fledged lies at the end.
"I'm working late at the office tonight" may be
a half-truth but you'll need to redefine the word "working" to silence
your compromised conscience. Cheating and lying go hand in hand.
2. You will get caught.
It may not be today or tomorrow. But eventually, your affair will come
to light one FATEFUL DAY. Your
world will come crashing down on you. If you are fortunate, the story
of your indiscretion may avoid the evening news or the front page
of your local paper, but your circle of friends will know your deeds.
And everyone likes to share juicy news.
3. You will disappoint everyone.
Everyone. Your spouse( Ohh, that Lady you so much love or the man you
promised to love and respect forever). Your friends. Your co -workers.
Your parents. Your nephew. Your children. Your pastors, God. Yourself.
Oh! What a shame! Can you bear it?
4. You will be a bad example.
We're either a good example or a bad example in all things that we do.
Cheating is a not only a very bad example in relationships but brings
with it a cloud of doubt that hovers over you in other areas of your
life. If you cheated in one area, won't you cheat in another? Cheating
communicates to everyone that you took the
easy road. It tells others that you were willing to cut corners in
your most primary
relationship. It reveals that you were not willing to do the hard work
and get the help you needed. No one ever admires a cheater. Even
if you did a lifetime of good, this one bad deed can erase it all. It
shows you're too weak to control yourself.
5. You will lose your moral authority.
It's hard to tell your children (or others) to do the right thing when
they know you didn't. Saying "Do as I say, not as I do" is the fastest
way to lose the respect of others. Not only will you lose their
respect, you'll lose yours and your dignity too. Every moral judgment
you make in the future will be
weighed against your cheating action of the past. It doesn't mean you
can't speak the truth in the future, it just means that few will
listen to you.
6. You will create trust issues for your spouse.
Forever.
You will single-handedly damage the precious self-esteem of the one
you promised to love for a life time. Every relationship they have
after you will be one that they struggle to trust. If that were not
enough, you will rock the world of children and cause them to question
the stability of every meaningful relationship they have. For
children, their parents relationship is their anchor and cheating cuts
the line.
7. You will lose your standard of living.
Depending on what you do for a living, you may lose your job. Many
lose their home. Most end up with enormous court fees since cheating
is usually the precursor to divorce. Betrayed spouses have a way of
making you pay and that payment is always expensive. Every check you
write is a constant reminder of your
foolishness.
8. You will spend years trying to rebuild your life.
Literally years. Even if you somehow you weathered the storm
financially, you will find it takes years for you to recover
emotionally. It takes years for you to restore certain friendships, if
you even do, It takes years for you to rebuild your character. It
takes years to rebuild trust. It takes years to truly forgive
yourself.
9. You will lose relationships.
You will lose a LOT of relationships. Some Lifelong
friends will walk away. Close friends that you have helped countless
times will not be around to help you. Even some family members who
are supposed to love you no matter what will vanish. A cheater when
caught can end up living a very lonely life. It's hard for many people
who used to call you friend to get past that skunk smell of
disappointment.
10. You will increase your chances of getting an STD.
Sexually transmitted diseases run rampant
among promiscuous people. But your paramour is "clean," right? After
all, they told you so. And if there is one thing we all know – we can
trust a cheater and their word...an irony indeed. As the saying goes,
" here is honor among thieves." One helpful thought may be to assume
that everyone but
your spouse has an STD.That should curb your
appetite for destruction.
11. The grass is not greener on the other side.
The "grass is greener" idea is a common misconception. Because we have
never been on that grass, we assume it must be better than where we
currently stand. It's not. In fact, though it may look greener from a
distance –
once you get there and make yourself comfortable something interesting
happens – the grass changes color. This usually happens
soon after you get caught.
12. You will then see that patch of land differently.
You will also have a strange desire for the green grass you once left…
except now it is burned and won't let you back. The best way to enjoy
green grass is to water your own yard. Would you want this done to
you? Thieves like to steal wallets but hate when it's done to them. If
we
all lived by the Golden Rule ("Treat others the way you want to be
treated.") most of life's problems would be solved overnight. Think
about this action as if it were being done to you. The problem is that
the required thought and thinking is often the last thing a cheater
has on his/her mind.
13. You will eventually regret this decision.
In the heat of the moment, cheating appears to make sense. It feels
good and sometimes even feels right. Feelings are deceitful. Soon
afterward, your eyes will be opened and you will regret that you ever
partook of the
forbidden fruit. Don't we all have enough regrets in our lives? Why
add another one – particularly one that can only destroy everything
you have worked so hard to build? Your home may not be perfect but it
sure beats
living in a tent.
14. The pain outweighs the gain.
No one ever says from their deathbed, I wish I had an affair with
someone. No one ever leaves their lawyer's
office with a smile on their face – grateful for the experience of
divorce. No one loses dear friends and
is glad they have one less Christmas card to receive this year. The
loss is immeasurable. The pain can be unbearable. Entire kingdoms can
be lost for a few minutes of sexual pleasure. It is just not worth it.
One of my married male friends on Facebook wrote this to me..."In
November 2011, I looked in the mirror and did not like what I saw. I
did not like who I had become. I was finally at the point where I was
willing to admit the dark side of my soul. Days later, my wife caught
me red- handed in an affair. I confessed to my wife, children and
church that I had been unfaithful during my marriage. Needless to say,
it was the most difficult series of conversations I have ever had in
my life. There is no pain like watching people
you love especially your wife who always stand by you sob in tears
because of your selfish actions. Within one year, I had lost
everything
dear and precious to me". My wife forgave me but our marriage has
never ever remained the same ever since. I know what it's
like to fall and not be able to get up. Over the last six years, I
have had to learn how to tear down my emotional walls – walls that
assisted me in getting in trouble in the first place. I
have come to understand the problem with pedestals and have wrestled with the
mechanics of forgiveness,even forgiving myself is a whole lot of
trouble.. As difficult as it is, I now embrace my past and appreciate
the many regrets. They have become precious to me. As a result of my
actions, I have accumulated many scars and now try to
learn from each and everyone of them. I have
hit "rock bottom" and realized something amazing in the process. God
is still here, even if others are not".
This painful message inspired this writeup. Most people that cheat
always live in regret but can't help being a slave to passion. I
believe the reasons above will help to keep you in check.
IJEOMA ESTHER OGBUKA.
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