Parental lifestyle affects the behavior of a child in ways beyond what we could ever think.You are your child’s first role model. He learns from you and hence, you should be careful of what you say in front of him. Mumbai-based clinical psychologist Dr Namrata Dagia says, “Children learn a lot through observation. Couples need to be aware of this fact and resolve differences behind the doors. Things like how marriages are, how to behave with the opposite sex, etc. are learnt through the way the child sees his parents’ relationship”. Don't try to make your child a good human being. Instead try to be one yourself. A child will pick up on that more than any sort of teaching. There is as much to learn for parents from their children, as child has to learn from his/her parents. The following are things you should totally avoid in the presence of your child.
1. Abusive words You must be careful and think twice before using any abusive language. Children, especially of the age 5 to 16 years, learn it quickly. To them, it would just be a word to make fun of someone or use when angry. Children pick up the “f-word” and such language pretty quickly and many parents will vouch for this. They learn everything first from you. So first train yourself to use safe language at home.
2. No, never, can’t Children are great observers. Parents should be aware of this fact and the impact of their actions or conversations on children. These negative words have more influence than the abusive words. These words restrict our capabilities to do our best. Let your child grow up in a positive environment where he has the freedom to make mistakes and learn from it.
3. Be careful while reacting angrily If parents are angry with their spouse over something and react angrily by shouting in the presence of children, they are projecting that shouting is what is to be done when angry. Your children might react in that particular manner in front of their friends, or worse, with you or other elders of the house.
5. Don’t put a label on them Do not say things like “Santa won’t buy you gifts if you’re a bad boy this year” or “God will punish you for being a bad boy”. Don’t put a label on him saying he is bad, stupid or a moron. No normal human being can be all good. So let them make their own mistakes and learn to live with their flaws. They should definitely work on their flaws, but without letting it hurt their self-esteem. Calling them bad or stupid can affect their self-confidence.
Advice to first-time parents Each and every new thing in life comes with both positive or negative consequences. So when in the phase where things are unpleasant, take your time and relax. Resolve the issues patiently and communicate effectively. You just need to keep these few things in mind, and you can win all the challenges.
Children are like little sponges, they are constantly watching your every move and reflecting on what you do or say. Even though your child seems young right now, what you say or do in front of her as a profound impression on her psyche and affects her emotional as well as mental growth.
Here are ten things every parent should make a point to do in front of their kids to build and maintain healthy relationships at home:
1. Be Affectionate to Your Partner
When children see their parents being affectionate and loving to each other though suitable forms of affection, the mental images of what a healthy relation stays in their mind and helps them when they are older. It is important for a child to see her parents behaving affectionately with each other. However, sexual display of affection should be avoided. Through appropriate actions, you children should know that both of you love and respect each other.
2. Be Helpful to Your Partner
Parents should always help each other in front of their children to build and maintain an image of a good relationship and teach them how important it is to help out each other in daily tasks and home activities. By helping out in cleaning dishes or the garage in front of your child, you also teach her the qualities of being compassionate to one another and being kind enough to offer help.
3. Make a Stable Routine
To show your child an indicator of a healthy and loving relationship, it is important to show her how essential maintaining a routine at home is. By preparing a schedule at home with your partner in front of your child, which includes plenty of family leisure time as well, you are teaching your child positive qualities of stability and consistency.
4. Appreciate and Applaud Each Other’s Efforts
Try to appreciate and applaud each other’s hard work and success in front of your child to show her that a healthy relationship involves both giving both positive and negative feedback, when needed. By praising each other’s good work in front of your children, she learns the value of hard work and being considerate to other’s feelings.
5. Disagree Considerately and Responsibly
You and your partner can have a deep and loving relationship but disagreements can crop up in a marriage almost anytime. It can be something as small as changing thermometer settings or deciding on a spending budget, arguments in a marriage will inevitably occur. How your child sees you disagreeing and arguing with your partner can shape their behaviour, emotional maturity and future relationships. Hence, it is important to be considerate of each other's feelings and handling arguments responsibly in front of your child.
6. Sharing Each Other’s Interests
Love is not the only thing you share when you get hitched to your partner. You might come from different background and with different interests, but it is important to show your child that you two share each other’s interests and spend valuable time on them together to encourage a healthy relationship. You can go on a run together, take up a hobby like painting, pottery or cooking together, to show your kid the importance of spending quality time together.
7. Giving Each other Space When Needed
You and your partner share a loving and affectionate bond but when minor arguments occur, it is best to give your partner the space they need, especially in front of your child. Even if it is not an argument, and your partner has had a rough tiring day, it is essential to show your child that giving your partner does not necessarily mean that you do not care about them, but it means that you are giving them the space they need to heal and relax themselves.
8. Handling Conflicts Smartly
In a scientific study published in the Journal of Child Development, children who watch their parents yelling, fighting or being physically and verbally abusive to each other are more likely to suffer from low self confidence, emotional instability and depression in later stages of life. It is important to handle conflicts and arguments smartly in front of your child to show them that conflicts can be dealt in a constructive and courteous manner. when you fight in the presence of your child, he learns how to fight and act accordingly.
9. Apologize When Wrong
Never underestimate the power of a sincere apology. Saying sorry and meaning it in front of your child is like throwing a pebble in a pond, the ripple effect it generates is considerably significant. Similarly, if you and your partner apologize when wrong and adopt a good behaviour concerning apologizing, your child will take note and internalize it. To be a responsible human being, learning the skill to apologize is very important. Your child will grow up into a well-behaved person when she notices that her parents are not afraid to say “I’m sorry” when required.
10. Work Through a Difficult Problem Together
While managing a family, you can face various obstacles like money, health issues, jobs and responsibilities to family. Children who see their parents handling a difficult family problem together will watch and learn about valuable problem solving skills and feel secure when they can contribute.
As a parent it is your duty and moral obligation to make sure that your behaviour and habits do not have a negative impact on your child. Build a positive environment where your child can grow into a healthy and cheerful person. Help your child to be a better person. A broken child makes a broken parent.
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