When Peter and Ann began dating, her friends were envious. Peter was smart, sensitive, funny, athletic, and good-looking. Even her mom loved him. For the first couple of months, Ann seemed happy. She started to miss her friends and family, though, because she was spending more time with Peter and less time with everyone else. That seemed easier than dealing with Peter's endless questions. He worried aAnnbout what
she was doing at every moment of the day. But Ann's friends became concerned when her behavior started to change. She lost interest in the things she once enjoyed, like swim meets and going to the mall. She became secretive and moody. When her friends asked if she was having trouble with Peter, she told them nothing was wrong. She began to avoid her friends and family.
Peter's jealousy was increasing every day and his possessive attitude became questionable. He ensured she lost her friends and stuck to him alone. He made her believe her friends envies her and flirt around him for no just cause. Few months later, Ann became dependent on him. He began to disrespect her by touching her breast and ass anyhow in public. She didn't complain for fear of losing him. She couldn't tell any of her friends nor caution him. He raped her on her birthday yet she couldn't tell anyone nor call off the relationship. Things accelerated ,Peter began to slap her at little offence and sometimes spank her and beg later. She swallowed the pain without complaining. Since she was cohabiting, one day she came home late due to traffic contingencies only to find Peter outside with a whip. He didn't hesitate to flog her with it till she fainted out of shock. When she revived, she decided to break up but Peter's gifts and pleads melted her heart. She decided to keep tolerating. Peter began to have affairs with other ladies but he dare not see her answer another man's call.
Many are victims of abusive relationship. Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, and consideration for the other person. Sadly, some relationships can turn bad. In fact,
WHAT IS ABUSE?
Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Physical abuse means any form of violence, such as hitting, punching, pulling hair, and kicking. Abuse can happen in both dating relationships and friendships. Emotional abuse (stuffs like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others) can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt — not just during the time it's happening, but long afterward, too.
Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, guy or girl, Man or woman. It's never right to be
forced into any type of sexual experience that you don't want. After lecturing some group of ladies on Reproductive health issues, one of the ladies signaled she wants to discuss an issue with me in Camera. She later told me she has been abused for ten years by her biological father. Right from age 15, he sleeps with her almost three times in a week. Her mother always attend vigils in church which gives her father ample opportunity to turn her into his sex doll. She's almost like a sex slave in her own parents house. One day, she threatened to tell her mother about it but her father told her in plain words...."YOUR MOTHER WILL NEVER BELIEVE YOU". This kept her suffering in silence and at a point, she took it as a normal thing. Now, she can hardly stick to one person in her relationship because she now has high libido for sex. She always wants to do it and once the urge comes, she can't control it.
I told her...the first step in getting out of an abusive relationship is to realize that you have the right to be treated with respect and not be physically or emotionally harmed by another person. Now that she's an adult, she needs to take charge of her life and speak out. She ought not be scared to spill the milk. Speaking or confessing is the first step to breaking this cycle of abuse. Many boys have been sexually abused by their house maid, Big Aunties, elder sisters, older cousins etc. Most men that can't control their urges today were abused in their childhood years. They find themselves sexually broken without fixing.
SIGNS OF ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS.
Important warning signs that you may be involved in an abusive relationship include when someone: harms you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching tries to control different aspects of your life, such as how you dress, who you hang out with, and what you say frequently humiliates you or makes you feel unworthy (for example, if a partner puts you down but tells you that he or she loves you) threatens to harm you, or self-harm, if you leave the relationship,
twists the truth to make you feel you are to blame for your partner's actions demands to know where you are at all times constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends, Unwanted sexual advances that make you uncomfortable are also red flags that the relationship needs to focus more on respect. When someone says stuff like "If you loved me, you would . . . " that's also warning of possible abuse, and is a sign that your partner is trying to manipulate you. A statement like this is controlling and is used by people who are only concerned about getting what they want — not
caring about what you want. Trust your intuition. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
SIGNS THAT A FRIEND IS BEING ABUSED.
In addition to the signs listed above, here are some signs a friend might be being abused by a partner: unexplained bruises, broken bones, sprains, or marks excessive guilt or shame for no apparent reason secrecy or withdrawal from friends and family
avoidance of school or social events with excuses that don't seem to make any sense
A person who is being abused needs someone to hear and believe him or her. Maybe your friend is afraid to tell a parent because that will bring pressure to end the relationship. People who are abused often feel like it's their fault — that they "asked for it" or that they don't deserve any better. But abuse is never deserved. Help your friend
understand that it is not his or her fault. Your friend is not a bad person. The person who is being abusive has a serious problem and needs professional help. A friend who is being abused needs your patience, love, and understanding. Your friend also needs your encouragement to get helpimmediately from an adult, such as a parent, family member, or guidance counselor. Most of all, your friend needs you to listen without judging. It takes a lot of courage to admit being abused; let your friend know that you're offering your full support.
HOW CAN YOU HELP YOURSELF.
What should you do if you think someone might be abusing you? If you feel that you love someone but often feel afraid, it's time to get out of the relationship — fast. You're worth being treated with respect and you can get help. First, make sure you're safe. A trusted adult or friend can help. If the person has physically attacked you, don't wait to get medical attention or to call the police. Assault is illegal, and so is rape — even if it's done by someone you are dating. Avoid the tendency to isolate yourself from your friends and family. You might feel like you have nowhere to turn, or you might be embarrassed about what's been going on, but this is when you need support most. People like counselors, doctors, teachers, coaches, and friends will want to help you, so let them. Don't rely on yourself alone to get out of the situation. Friends and family who love and care about you can help you break away. It's important to know that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness. It actually shows that you have a lot of courage and are willing to stand
up for yourself. It’s also likely you will need help to break out of a cycle of abuse, especially if you still love the person who has hurt you, or feel guilty about leaving.
SIBLING ABUSE
Sibling abuse is any form of verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse of one child by a sibling. Many parents or adults disregard sibling abuse because they think it’s just normal part of growing up.The damaging effects caused by the abuse can stay with the abused children to adulthood. About 1 in 3 children are abused by their siblings each year. Some long term effects of sibling abuse can include depression, low self esteem, substance abuse, eating disorders, continued involvement in abusive relationships and learned helplessness. Some signs of sibling abuse could be that one child: avoids being left alone with their sibling(s), begins to struggle in school, starts becoming depressed, or is increasingly violent. Also, during play, one child might always be the agressor.
To cope with sibling abuse, you should avoid staying around the abuser as much as possible. You should make sure to tell someone, like a supportive friend or a responsible, caring adult that you trust. You should also remain calm to show that you are still in control. If you are being abused, you should NOT ignore the problem or think that it will go away on its own. Also, do not isolate yourself, keep secrets, fight back or threaten your sibling, as this might make the abuse worse. Lastly, do not fool yourself into thinking that the problem has gone away if your sibling has a sudden positive change of attitude.
CHILD ABUSE BY PARENTS.
Child abuse is when a parent abuses their children emotionally, verbally, physically. Examples of emotional/verbal child abuse include: parents constantly putting you down and making you feel humiliated, embarrassed or foolish; parents being sarcastic towards you, making snide comments or mocking and making fun of you; ignoring or refusing to talk or associate with you or constantly blaming you for problems and mistakes that you did not cause.
If you are being abused, you should NOT cry when your parent is abusing you, because oftentimes this is their goal. You should not talk back and be mean, because this might aggravate your parent and make it worse. Lastly, do not get angry at them when they are abusing you or let them wind you up, as this might be their goal.
You SHOULD tell someone you trust about the abuse; do not try and deal with it alone. Also, go and seek counseling and therapy from a school counselor. The best thing to do is to try and get away from the abuse, as most abusive parents are unable to change their ways. Because of this, trying to find another place to live is key. Even if telling an adult about your abusive parent might be scary and frightening, it is the best thing to do for your own health and safety. If you cannot immediately get away from the parent, try to find a safe place to go to when things get bad, like a friend's house or another relative's house.
The effects of child abuse include a lack of trust of adults and people in general or difficulty maintaining healthy relationships, because the child might not understand what a healthy relationship is like.
ABUSE IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP.
Abuse in a Romantic Relationship is the most known type of abuse, however, many do not know what goes on within this type of abuse, as it consists of chronic behaviors where one person tries to control the thoughts, actions, and beliefs of their partner, including physical attacks. According to the Domestic Violence Resource Center, 1 in 4 women has experienced domestic violence throughout their entire lifetime and also 1 in 7 men who ever been physically abused by an intimate partner, first experienced this between the ages of 11 to 17.
SIGNS OF ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH PARTNER.
When in an intimate relationship with someone, it is hard to detect whether or not it is an abusive one, but these are some red lights, which will signify that something may be wrong: your partner gets jealous easily, is controlling of your actions, has unrealistic expectations, blames you for problems you did not cause, is hypersensitive and overreacts to simple things, enforces rigid gender roles, threatens you, verbally abuses you or uses force to get you to have sex or uses force during sex. They might criticize you or say cruel things, degrades you or use vulnerable points about you or your past against you. Lastly, if your partner has a history of abuse, this is a definite warning sign.
For those of you who find yourself in this category must approach the situation immediately, before things reach a dangerous level. Talk things out with your partner, and if they need help understanding consult your parents, or even their parents. However, if things have passed this stage, just abandon the relationship, you should not have to handle this anymore, and if you are hurt, still let you parents know or contact a counselor at school, to console yourself, and if need be, inform the authorities.
Ladies are mostly abused in relationships. You need to evaluate your relationship to be sure you're not a victim of this. If you're a victim, say no to ABUSE by speaking out.
IJEOMA ESTHER OGBUKA.
This is great!
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